"He is (not) our tsar": Putin's shameful inauguration

Half an hour of awkwardness, and you are again Russian president

Arkady and Boris Strugatsky had a fantastic utopian novel "Noon: 22nd Century" (1962-1967). The worlds of the Strugatsky brothers were then called the Noon Universe Later, after the death of Arkady Strugatsky, Boris Natanovich released a fiction magazine "Noon, 21st Century" (2002-2013), which was published until his death.

The announcements of another inauguration of Vladimir Putin stated that "the ceremony will begin at noon." Yes, exactly "at noon, when the president will leave his office in the Kremlin's Korpus 1 for the Andreyevsky Hall of the Grand Kremlin Palace." Exaggerated attention to this detail is not accidental. The space for a descriptive maneuver has currently narrowed so much that there is nothing more to write about.


What to talk about when the country is in isolation? It means that the arrival of prominent guests for the ceremony is not expected. The mini-dictator is in great fright - out of fear for his priceless life, therefore it will not be possible to go out into open space (even if it's supervised). As a result, Putin's inauguration demonstrated its extreme limitation. It took 30 minutes and was held in the golden oligarchic triangle of the Kremlin.

In this regard, we have to search for some symbolism in every small detail. Yes, the ceremony will begin at noon. At noon, not at midnight, because we do not have any Dracula (although...).

Here, by the way, another name from the Strugatsky novels can be remembered - "Monday begins on Saturday." Monday's inauguration of Putin, in fact, began on Saturday, during a rally "He is not our tsar!" when the new tsar Herod (of Moscow) gave the go-ahead for the "Massacre of the Innocents." At the same time, remarks were commonplace that Euromaidan in Ukraine was in full swing after the beating of young people. Then, in the next few days, 500,000 people took to the Maidan in Kyiv. In Russia, the majority of the population did not pay attention at all to the rally "He is not our tsar!" And many people even said: "That's what they get! Why did they go there?"


So the inauguration began. Since it was closed and shameful, they decided to stake on cameras.

And here is a miracle – a camera in Putin's office. "We have never been here," the commentators say with some trepidation. He sits at his desk. He is more than ever simple and accessible, even without a jacket. A simple and accessible eternal president of Russia gets up from the table, puts on his jacket and walks down the corridors. "We have never been in these corridors!" the TV presenters exclaim with the familiar intonation, but a bit louder. And Putin walks and walks down empty corridors during an online broadcast. And it is already reminiscent of a classical film "Seventeen Moments of Spring":

"Stirlitz walks down the corridor."

"What corridor?"

"Our corridor!"

It seems that nothing can be more amusing. A mistake! Going out on the porch, the eternal Russian president sits down in a black luxury but unusual car. Commentators say with intonation that from now on the Russian president will use a domestically produced car. This is a super development of the Russian special project "Cortege" (they promised to disclose its technical specifications additionally - okay, let's wait). This is a great victory for the Russian car industry – making (one) car, on which the head of state does not find it shameful to take a ride.

After driving a hundred meters on the "Cortege," accompanied by motorcyclists (it all happens within the Kremlin), Putin leaves the car near the Grand Kremlin Palace. Here he walks through the Alexandrovsky and Georgiyevsky halls, covered with pure gold. The halls are crowded with servile people, with a great sense of their own worth and no sense of their own dignity.


Putin walks past these people with usual cheerfulness. The camera captures their faces. These are not ordinary Russians, but the people whose faces are publicly known. Of course, among them are many athletes - coach Gazzaev, figure skater Zagitova, goalkeeper Akinfeev. The selection of faces is a sign of thorough orchestration – an Olympic champion of the Pyeongchang Olympics and the football players, as a reminder of the upcoming 2018 World Cup (which, due to the indecision of the world community, will still take place in the aggressor country).

There is also a portion of intellectuals - composer Pakhmutova and singer Kobzon. Here were see Larisa Dolina, with an emphasis on music. And here we see comedian Galustyan. But at such a serious moment the broadcast directors did not dare to show him full face. The camera captures only the right eyebrow of the comic, a respective eye and part of his hairstyle. But it still turned out funny. So my advice to the directors of the upcoming inauguration of Putin is to imitate seriousness without Galustyan.

Putin is climbing the podium. It's not so simple to stay on high heels, but he got used to it. He has such a profession. His partners are already standing on the podium, among them Head of the Constitutional Court of the Russian Federation Valery Zorkin (the one who promotes the thesis about the benefits of the serfdom system for Russia).

Everyone is on the podium, and an awkward pause comes. Then Putin nods to Zorkin, as if asking what he is waiting for. And only then the chairman of the Constitutional Court of Russia, who probably got used to doing everything according to such a signal, asks the new-old head of state to swear an oath. Putin, by force of habit, confidently puts his right hand on the Constitution and pronounces the text of the words of the oath of the Russian president. If someone does not know, this is a set of sounds emitted into the air by the mouth and not being so significant.

While Putin makes a short speech, the camera shows the hall a little. Here we need to look carefully – as part of applied Kremlinology. We are looking for high-ranking guests, including foreign visitors. In the foreground, half a step ahead of all, are former German Chancellor and now the top functionary of Nord Stream AG and Rosneft, Gerhard Schroeder, and Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev. Much becomes clear for this sweet couple. Firstly, Medvedev will be re-appointed as Russia's prime minister on May 8. Secondly, Russia will fight for Nord Stream 2 with double force.

Who is behind them? Behind Medvedev is his wife Svetlana in a smart but strict white dress. Behind Schroeder is Patriarch Kirill, in a smart but strict black dress. Here the conclusions are also obvious: wife Svetlana will remain wife, and Patriarch Kirilll will remain patriarch.

There is also Matthias Warnig, Managing Director of Nord Stream AG. And this is very important. Therefore, we need to prepare for the fact that Russia will fight for Nord Stream 2 with quadruple force.


The ceremony ended with a presidential regiment parade. Of course, it also went inside the Kremlin - on Sobornaya Square. After that Putin approached young people, as you understand, specially selected young people. Only the words "Thank you!" and "Thank you very much!" were well audible during this conversation.

And here we remember young people from Saturday's protests, who were grabbed and beaten by Rosgvardiya "cosmonauts." They would like to talk with Putin, but nobody will let them to the Kremlin!

The authorities are now overcautious, holding the whole ceremony inside the Kremlin within 30 minutes, but the center of Moscow was also cleared, just in case.

Just imagine, from 7 o'clock in the morning the whole city center, within a few quarters from the Kremlin, was heroically liberated from the grateful population. There were only police and police vans.

Again, the texts of the Strugatsky brothers are remembered. Such is Moscow's, Russia's "Noon: 21st Century," two different types of young people and such astronauts. It is reminiscent of absolutely different works of social science fiction classics, perhaps, "The Doomed City." In a certain City they conduct a mysterious long-term Experiment, the essence of which no one knows and cannot understand...

Before finishing the material the website Kremlin.ru published the expected statement: "Vladimir Putin submitted Dmitry Medvedev's nomination to the State Duma for obtaining consent to his appointment as prime minister." Who would doubt that in such cases applied Kremlinology is not mistaken?

This predictability of Putin's regime is the key to his main unpredictability - an understanding of when it will collapse, and how.

Oleg Kudrin, Riga.

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